It’s fucking wild out here, isn’t it?  Living through the end of late stage capitalism is sure one fucking hell of a journey and sometimes it feels like we are staring down the chamber of a shotgun with a timer about to go off.  Sitting, facing the future and the big scary things and having to find some way to make peace with where you are.  Having to make peace with something that feels so terrifying yet inevitable is a burden that feels far too heavy to bear.  And yet, we must take it on.   It’s the generational curse, the trauma, the unlearning, the deconstructing, the burnout, the hurt, the grief, the pain, the unhinged joy, the accountability to show up in better ways than before.  To have to sit with the inevitable forces you stop and make peace with the place you landed.  Looking down the barrel of the inevitable.  And that can do something to a person, can’t it? 

About a year ago in the summer of 2023 my life came crashing into a halt—the inevitable hit me.  And with it the understanding and lesson that was required for me to be able to face the deep, deep fear of what was always going to happen.  And with it came the shedding of facades and witnessing the belly of the beast. 

The first time I really remember feeling what I now know is called depression was when I was around 15 years old.  And now I have 17 years added to my resume and facing the inevitable of mental burnout well on the way to a crisis, if not already settling into my bones.  And facing the inevitable that felt impossible to come back from makes you take a good, hard, forced, lonely, hurt, scared, grief ridden but also incredibly brave look at yourself.  Because they say you have to face the grief in order to feel the joy.  And I can tell you from a deep personal experience that it’s the only way to set sail to yourself again.  That part of you that wants to live so fully, authentically and as the kind of love you know you are capable of feeling.  To know the depths helps you understand your capacity for deep, deep joy.  And to feel deep joy is to feel love.

The seas of sadness can be rough, the waves of emotions too much to hold, the grief so painful to bear.  But to keep sailing back to your joy means you will get to love again.  And what heals broken souls more than love?

Let’s face this inevitable patch of quicksand we find ourselves in with as much love as we can.  If we fight it, we will always sink faster.  If we lay down and accept the reality we find ourselves in, the odds of someone finding you and offering to help pull you out far higher than sinking quickly.  And you can take my word, I grew up in Vegas, I always weigh the odds.

Love you, you are doing a great job being a human when being a human feels so. fucking. hard.  Let’s get through this together.